A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
zippers are such a cool invention
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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