I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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