My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
