so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
