idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
