What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
