There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
time to smoke my breakfast
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
