if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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