I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
