you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
