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i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize