1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
