What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is wine microwaveable?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
