but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
