i just had sex bonerless
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
