I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
