Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
