i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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