Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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