If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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