Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
