You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
