OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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