i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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