I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
