Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize