I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
