I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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