I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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