he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
