I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
