Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize