I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
