you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
