Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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