Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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