just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am available for nakedness
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
