Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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