the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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