Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
