You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
