You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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