With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
