areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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