Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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