that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
do nipples grow back?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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