If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
