My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
