Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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