I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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