My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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