he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
