Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
