if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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