The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
