I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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