The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
