Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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