you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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