I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
