benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize