He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
