Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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