real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
