its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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