one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
