You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
