as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize