Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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