as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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