Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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