know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
