I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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