dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
