I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize