I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
