I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
