He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
