smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
