just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
