Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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