I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
