god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
