Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
