i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's always time for handjobs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
