My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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