Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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