I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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