when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
