Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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