he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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