Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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