We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
